An impatient patient . . .

Have just returned from hospital and feel tired out. Was told visiting hours were 2 - 8pm - "we open all hours" says sister on the Assessment Ward "like the corner shop." 

As the traffic situation here is pretty dreadful - takes 2 hours to and from the hospital - provided you can find a parking space - I decided to visit after the rush so I would be able to park. 

My brother and wife who had popped in to see how Stephen was faring, kindly insisted on driving me to the hospital as I was pretty tired after an upsetting day, hearing all kinds of bad news about Stephen's condition, and sorting quilts for the exhibition at Bilsborrow.. 

I was unpacking Stephen's drinks and extra underwear etc., on the Medical ward, when a nurse arrived and told us abruptly to leave as visiting hours were from 2 - 4 p.m. and 6 - 8 pm. It was 5.30 p.m.   Reasonable times had I not been told otherwise by a Sister in Assessment.   

Nurse insisted we leave, much to Stephen's distress. He was sweating and shivering/shaking (rigor) - appeared to have malaria (which he hasn't) and not well at all - wanted me to stay.

They drove me home where I had a big cry and, like a true Brit, a cup of tea!  Then I drove back to the hospital.

My sister-in-law remarked how scruffy the ward appeared, how sloppy some of the staff looked and she would start saving so she would not have to use an NHS hospital. "Frightening' she said.   

I must say I did not see anyone, apart from one young doctor, wash their hands on any wards during my visits - and there were signs all over the place stating that hands should be washed throughly if touching a patient.   Worrying.

I wash my hands twice - before, and after, each visit. 

Stephen has become paranoid about staff washing their hands and insists that they do - which doesn't always go down well - but as he says to them. "It's my life that's at stake, not yours. And I want to live as long as I can and not die of infection in this hospital."  

He is not proving to be the most popular of patients and I imagine they will be glad to see him leave - as indeed will he.

They think the fevers might be due to 'infective endocarditis' - caused - possibly - by the Hickman Line inserted very close to something or other. Heart valve has been mentioned. Some sort of heart scan is to be done tomorrow which should prove or disprove this theory. Am not a medic thus no point going into detail of something of which I know nothing.

All I know is that Stephen is very distressed - ill - and tired of it all he says, sick of hospitals, and so very very weary.

I suggested we take him out but my son-in-law (hospital consultant) says Stephen is in no fit state to leave hospital until they stabilise his temperature and discover what is causing the fevers. Stephen is attached to a drip (not me) of antibiotics.

They are doing their utmost for him he says, and hospital is the best place at this moment in time and Stephen has to be patient. Which is of course the last thing he is. 

Patience never being Stephen's forté at the best of times.

Frankly I am worried sick. Quilting can go to the wall for all I care at the moment. 

It does becomes an ego trip at times, doesn't it?  To be the best. Something to fill the empty spaces in one's life.

That's how I see it right now but know, deep down, there will come a time when I will need something to fill that empty space . . . . 

It's interesting how things one used to think were tremendously important become meaningless when faced with a life and death situation.  Quite meaningless.