Still desperately ill, but fighting -Stephen - looking better this morning after traumatic weeks on chemo. Palliative care - morphine from now on.

SINGING GARDEN CAKE!

The wonderful ladies from St Thomas's Church . . . congratulations!

Eighteen wonderful ladies raised £8,000 ($13,000+) for The Christie Hospital, which specializes in cancer treatments and is known worldwide.

Hilary and the girls (plus one man) made The Singing Garden Quilt - from a BOM created by me and published by Popular Patchwork magazine earlier this year. The group are to be congratulated for a superb effort!

I was invited to draw the winning ticket at their Quilt Show on Saturday but was unable to do so due to the dreaded Swine Flu plus looking after Stephen who is very ill.

It is an understatement to say how disappointed I was at not being able to attend the ceremony - and missed a lovely lunch to boot.

Luckily, Katy - web editor from popularpatchwork.com - rose to the occasion and did the honours in my place. I understand a piece of the special Singing Garden Cake (see above) is winging it's way to me by Royal Mail. It's a super cake isn't it - and what a good idea!

The magazine will be featuring pictures of Singing Garden Quilts made by subscribers - in next month's edition.

St Thomas' Church Quilt Group.

I HAVE SWINE 'FLU. . .

Stephen and Patsy Thompson's Vol 3 feathers DVD to cheer us up..

Stephen is not well and we have been to and from the Hospice and the hospital these past few weeks. He is receiving therapies which help him somewhat - but the pain in his back is becoming unbearable. Drugs have been increased but the morphine doesn't seem to touch the pain - just makes him dopey. He has been referred to a Pain Management consultant at the hospital and is to have a spinal block - i.e. injection into his spine - next Friday - in a desperate attempt to give him some respite. This will require anaesthetic and overnight stay in hospital.

The nights are bad and I feel helpless not knowing what to do. At the end of the day - in spite of help from the Hospice, local hospital and Macmillan/District nurses - it's still a case of dealing with things yourselves.

On a happier note - we have been watching Patsy Thompson's latest DVD (3rd) on Feathers. Click on sidebar - Blog List or Interesting Websites - to access her site. (www.patsythompsondesigns.com) A treat in store!

Not only does Patsy have a lovely face and reassuring voice - which Stephen finds restful and appealing, but her skill at free motion quilting is a triumph.

I defy anyone not to be able to stitch feathers when they have seen Patsy in action.

She is much copied by many professionals.

Patsy helps at a Hospice in the USA which makes her presence in our sitting room doubly welcome at this sad time.

The Hospice . . .

After two very painful days and nights, Stephen agreed that outside help is needed and finally decided that the local Hospice is the answer at this stage of his illness - now that all treatment has ceased - and not the hospital with admittance to an understaffed geriatric ward - the main point of a hospice being pain relief and palliative care - with emphasis on 'care.'

After talking to the District Nurse, and making a few phone calls, it was arranged for Stephen and myself to see the Professor in charge of the hospice early this morning.

Professor B took detailed notes, gave Stephen a physical examination - asked oncologist at hospital for copies of Stephen's medical records, including results of latest CT / MRI scans, and arranged to see him again in 2 weeks. He doubled the drugs - arranged for a Macmillan nurse to call in 3 days to see if the increased drugs have deadened the pain as opposed to merely making him drowsy - and is considering a spinal block - done under anaesthetic - if the new drug regime does not work.

We both felt a great sense of relief and Stephen feels he is in good hands - with people who care and know what they're doing - and understand his anxieties.

The hospice is situated on the outskirts of town in lovely surroundings - trees and flowers abound everywhere. There is a sense of calm within the building and they have some very pretty curtaining in the lounge areas, which would make a jolly nice quilt. Talking of which, I may use one of my Singing Garden quilts as a raffle prize with proceeds to the hospice as a thankyou for the help they are giving Stephen and myself. Will give me an incentive to get it layered and quilted.

Oh dear . . .

We have another appointment at the hospice tomorrow morning - with the complementary therapy team - to see if massage and reflexology will benefit Stephen and help him to relax.

They also provide residential and day care which provides respite for both patient and carer.

I feel a load has been lifted from my shoulders - by the sheer fact I will receive support in helping Stephen to deal with this dreadful disease - and that he can now enjoy what is left of his life without the excruciating pain that has devastated him these past weeks.

Ghastly night . . .

Yesterday and last night was one of the worst yet. Stephen was in severe pain in his back for most of the day - not even the morphine could touch it.

Took to his bed in late afternoon - by evening was in a dreadful state - but of course, being a weekend, nobody was available - it's all ansaphones.

A lesson to be learned here - don't fall ill over a weekend!

I massaged his back with Ibuprofen Gel which does give him a bit of relief - and he took slow-release morphine plus a good dose of liquid morphine to alleviate the pain. I plumped him up with feather cushions and a V shaped cushion in an attempt to get him into a comfortable position as he felt worse lying flat. Ran up and downstairs for remainder of evening until I fell into bed at midnight. Got up through the night to keep an eye on him. Exhausted.

However, Stephen feels much better this morning. Insisted on getting up and dressed for breakfast - but is staggering a bit and holding on to bannisters and furniture.

We'll have to see what the day brings.

Have postponed my endoscopy for the present time as I seem able to control the symptoms with diet and yoga breathing plus am convinced the acid reflux is triggered by anxiety and stress. I talked to a nurse in the endoscopy department yesterday who agreed that now is not the time to put myself under extra stress, but can have one if symptoms don't improve.

So that's a relief.

Julie - many thanks for your email. Have noted your endoscopy experiences - with and without sedation. Yes, will take your advice and go down the sedation road. Thankyou for that.

Oncologist's report . .

Stephen had a bad night. I gently massaged his back and legs with Ibuprofen Gel for half an hour in a desperate attempt to relieve the pain. He had a dose of morphine and then, thankfully, fell asleep.

It was with some trepidation that we drove to the hospital this morning to receive the results of his latest CT scan taken 10 days ago. I was particularly nervous as I thought his skin had taken on a yellow tinge earlier in the week.

Our fears were justified as we were told the tumours in his liver had grown considerably in spite of chemo. He is due to have a last bout of chemo next Tuesday but this has now been cancelled.

Was told that we can survive on a very small part of our liver (if that makes sense) - which was encouraging. It's now a waiting game.

We go to the Hospice next Wednesday for complementary therapy which I hope will help to control Stephen's pain.

Meanwhile I received a letter from the hospital telling me all about the endoscopy which I am to have (endure) next Saturday - 26th. After reading the small print - am of a mind to forego the experience. A bag of nerves as it is and, having had an xray which should reveal any abnormalities, can't see the need for invasive action which could affect me for a while.

Have put myself on a strict regime of eating small meals - slowly. Sitting up straight whilst eating. Walking about for 20 minutes after every meal.

Following a diet of no alcohol/coffee - no dairy foods (fats) - no chocolate - and sticking to fruit such as bananas and apples (no citrus fruits/juices). Can eat goat's cheese and goat's butter (very nice) and Feta cheese.

Bought soya milk today - and will give it a whirl.

Also - and think this is The Cure - sipping warm drinks of "Slippery Elm" plus honey three times a day. De-lish!

Hmmm . . . . .

Shining Lights amid the gloom . . . European Gold Medallists . . .

Things not too good . . .

This photo was taken over a month ago - when Stephen was beginning to lose his hair and beard - resembled a pirate! Looked good, and seemed to be coping really well after first session of latest chemo, but is sadly now unrecognisable.

His appearance changed dramatically 2 weeks ago and things have not been easy with most of my time taken up trying to keep him comfortable and as happy as is humanly possible, given the circumstances.

He is now having difficulty in climbing the stairs and walking has become a problem. Stephen has reacted very badly to this last two sessions of chemo (has final (4th) session next week) - which seems to have weakened him and he looks yellow this morning. His hair and beard have gone walk about and his face is badly swollen with steroids. Would be unfair to post a picture of him in his present unrecognisable state.

Slow-release morphine has been prescribed during the day and a separate dose of morphine is given at night to help Stephen sleep.

Rang the Hospice this morning and asked for help with therapies to make him feel better and help him relax - reflexology and massage for example - plus some restorative yoga for myself.

Saw Upper GI consultant yesterday - had xray and am to have an endoscopy on Saturday 26th September (which I understand is akin to having a hosepipe thrust down your throat.)

A weekend experience I could do without.

On a lighter note - my grand-daughter Polly, and her (coxless pair) team-mate Jen won gold medals at the European Championships in Poland 2 weeks ago. Will post a pic of them, later.

Polly is the blonde - 6'1" - and Jen, (ex Cambridge Blue - now studying medicine at Edinburgh with Polly) is a magnificent 6' 3"! The girls look marvellous together - like tall beautiful trees.

I am so proud and their success brought a badly needed bit of sunshine into our lives . .

Many many congratulations to Angela whose work is being showcased in the October and future issues of Popular Patchwork. Well done! I told you so . . . . . and there'll be lots more . . . .

I'm very sorry and extremely disappointed that the publication of my 2010 BOM Beginners Heirloom Sampler for the magazine has had to be postponed indefinitely but, as I'm sure you can appreciate, present circumstances make it impossible to give time to anything other than Stephen's needs for the foreseeable future.

Maybe later . . . . .

You can see the results of this year's GPQ samplers at popularpatchwork.com (click on sidebar) and then click on Babs Sampler Beauties!!

Patsy Thompson has a new DVD out. Feathers - version 3. I've ordered one. Might not have time to sew but I can sit with Stephen, relax, and enjoy Patsy's latest work. Her on-line 'free machine' tuition is second to none and to be highly recommended. I've learned a tremendous amount from her. Click on the side panel which will take you directly her website (www.patsythompsondesigns.com).

Swollen feet and legs . . .

Stephen is having his second session of chemo later this morning, but his feet and legs have started to swell over the past couple of days so we have made an appointment to see the GP before we set off for the oncology department at the hospital.

I looked up the symptoms on the internet and it appears the swelling may be related to his liver problems. The increased morphine and steroid intake this past week may also be responsible.

I too am seeing the GP. Have developed a very sore throat/trachea over the past 3 weeks, which may or may not be due to stress - but it needs seeing to as I am finding it very painful to speak.

We are fast becoming a pair of old crocks!!

News . . .

Saw the oncologist this morning after spending 3 very troublesome weeks during which time Stephen has suffered severe pain, sleepless nights, and been anxiously awaiting results of MRI and CT scans taken 10 days ago.

Good news is that the pain in his back is not due to cancer but old damage to his spine - and they might be able to operate to relieve some of the pressure and pain.

Good news too re lymphomas in his stomach which have shrunk since his last bout of chemo.

The bad news is that tumours in both bowel and liver have grown by 2cms since end of April.

Stephen is beginning to lose his hair - coming out in handfuls, so I bought him a black bandana online, which actually suits him (and his pirate personality).

So we plod on. . . . Stephen has now been prescribed slow-release morphine and steroids each day - with extra morphine to take at night should the pain increase. This should ensure a pain-free day but there is a down-side we're told, as steroids can sometimes alter behaviour with patients becoming irritable and aggressive in some cases. I hope this will not be the scenario with Stephen as life is difficult enough as it is.

Patchwork and quilting have had to take a back seat. Reluctantly cancelled trips to Birmingham and Harrogate Shows and not running any P & Q workshops in the foreseeable future.

Life is on hold - with all my attention given to securing Stephen's comfort.

All the money in the world cannot change this situation, so I'm not buying any more lottery tickets!

Devastating news . . .

A scan on Friday has revealed enlargement of the tumours in Stephen's liver. This is devastating news as he seemed to be doing so well on the steroids.

He has, however, developed excruciating pain in his back which the oncologist fears may be related to his condition and has arranged a bone scan.

Stephen has been in terrible pain these past 2 weeks which only morphine seems to deaden. Last night he had to resort to a double dose before he could manage to sleep. Before that we were up half the night. The morphine is still in his system so he feels a bit better this morning.

Whilst most are of the opinion that Stephen should now leave well enough alone and continue with palliative care - he has insisted on further treatment with chemo starting next Tuesday.

This particular chemo is aggressive with side effects of hair loss, diarrhoea, life threatening infection, and death - according to the doctor's written comments on the certificate Stephen has had to sign.

"I am not going to just sit and wait to die," he said. "I'm going to take a chance on the chemo extending my life."

I am worried stiff, and wonder what choice I would make given the same situation.

What would you do?

Surrounded by artists . . etc.,

Am surrounded by artists. Stephen (who used to teach art) and brother David who has recently taken up oil painting as a retirement hobby (and showing talent), plus brother-in-law Bob who is a professional artist! My sister is a brilliant couturier knitter - using fabulous designs and colours.

It's humbling - tho' I guess some quiltmakers are artistic. Ahem!

From whom my grandchildren inherited a sports tendency is a mystery - a throwback perhaps - as my parents and brother loathed all forms of sport and I'm not into it, having had rheumatic fever in my teens which knackered me as far as sport was concerned - tho' I was previously successful in long jump - flat racing and javelin throwing before RH struck.

It's funny how the old gene pool works isn't it?

Most of the family are musical or artistic - my daughters being excellent singers, yet my son and the grandchildren are mostly into sports.

The boys into rugby, skiing, sailing and girls into sailing and rowing. A good way of keeping them on the straight and narrow I guess, especially testosterone-fuelled teenagers!

Getting better - David's latest. . . National Gallery next . . .

VASHON ISLAND, Washington State, USA

Have just noticed a visitor from Vashon Island. I have relatives on Vashon living on 98th Street South - near the Fauntleroy ferry. Met some talented ladies who belonged to a quilting group on Vashon some years ago. They were the friendliest folk - and made some spectacular quilts.

It's a wonderful place to live and my regret is that I didn't stay there.

Full of blossom - and not a bee in sight this year. Where have they gone? Worrying!

Garden is full of lilies this year.

Just 2 Cornettos . . .

Received a lovely surprise today when my son, daughter-in-law, and grand-daughter arrived unexpectedly from the Highlands of Scotland to see how we are coping. Don't get to see them as often nowadays as it is too far for Stephen to travel, so the visit was doubly welcome.

Megan is absolutely thrilled to be chosen as Head Girl this year. She's lovely - is a proficient sailor - and hopes to receive her trainers certificate this week so she can teach sailing, alongside her brother Sam, on Loch Morlich near their home. I am thrilled about my grandchildren - all 10 of them - and I must congratulate my three children and their spouses for being such super and sensible parents who support and encourage their children to the nth degree.

July in Bloom . . . catching up . . .

Edinburgh Uni students - not all study & rowing! Polly in pink with boyfriend Ed.

Wish I had my time over again - lucky young things. Don't they look great! All their lives in front of them. Wonderful!!

Proud grandmother - Polly & Jen - Scottish rowing champions - coxless pairs..

Polly/ Jen (6' 1" and 6' 3" respectively) at Henley Royal Regatta.

Catching up . . .

Got a lot of catching up to do . . . after a stressful couple of weeks . . . . tho' I'm glad to say that Stephen is now coping very well on steroids (magic pills) and even went fishing for a few hours with my brother David yesterday. David has taken up a new hobby - painting - and this is his first attempt, using oils. Move over Rembrandt is all I can say!!!