Stephen was awake for most of the night - having had numerous night sweats - looked exhausted, was very depressed and extremely grumpy this morning when I took him his early morning tea.
One can understand his grumpiness - given his illness, and I usually try to let it flow over me - but he was particularly angry this morning and, as I keep repeating, feel helpless tho' I do try to assuage his anger by being extra nice, but it doesn't always work, so I back off and 'do' something domestic, perhaps light dusting at waist level for example!
I made an appointment for him to see our GP this morning in the hope the doc can prescribe something to allow him to get some rest at night.
I think the bottom line is that Stephen is frightened - as would most people wouldn't they, given the extent of his cancer?
Mr L - bowel specialist at Hope Hospital - said yesterday that it was too early for Stephen to think of a colostomy (bag) but to continue with the present regime of drugs and, of all things, Senna - which rang a bell.
I can still remember being woken every morning at 5 a.m - in a Kings Lynn maternity home (1953) having given birth to my first baby - with a cup of hot Senna tea.
Tho' foul tasting, it certainly did the trick!! Hope it works its magic with Stephen.
Talking of my first 'baby' - she is coming up from Gloucestershire on Saturday to stay with us, and my youngest 'baby' is coming down from Edinburgh the same day. They are going to stay for a few days. I cannot wait to see them, as it's been 4 months since we last met.
They are good cheerful girls - coming to help and support their mum and hopefully make Stephen feel a trifle better.
If I envy anything or anyone, it's people who live close to their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
I think it is one of life's pleasures to be amongst your family - especially in times of need.
I miss my children with all my heart and can hardly contain my excitement about seeing the two girls on Saturday - not forgetting my lovely 16 year old grandson who unfortunately has learning difficulties but has a loving nature and is my sweetheart.
My son lives in the Highlands - married, with 4 children and lives a busy busy life with lots of calls on his time, so I only see him periodically when I can get up to the Highlands or he can manage to come down here.
With hindsight, I think one of the hardest things in life is to stand back and let your children 'go'. This is something I have made myself do all their lives. Encouraged them to be independent and free to live their own lives - with some reservations and some guidance during their teenage years - but certainly no interference in their adult lives. They've all done well and, I'm glad to say, are well-balanced, happy, and successful adults. It's been very hard at times to take a back seat when they marry and set up home with a spouse. Was determined not to be an interfering old mother-in-law!
I'm sure many folks will have had similar experiences when their children up-sticks and leave the family home for careers, partners, and pastures new. It's called the 'empty nest syndrome.'
It would appear that the more you educate and push your children to achieve - the further away they have to live - being very little in the way of work in a small village.
Sometimes I wish the girls were living around the corner - or my son was living in the next avenue.
Would mean great happiness for me - but perhaps not as satisfying for them.
Ah well . . . dream on . . .